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Melinda Tankard Reist is a writer, speaker and a huge campaigner and advocate for women and girls. She co-founded Collective Shout and shares her thoughts on the effects of advertising and the fashion industry on our girls as well as the conversations we need to be having with our daughters. It also was a reminder to me as to why I started The Teen Age as an alternative for girls who are looking for something that's comfortable and practical.
I remember trying to buy bathers for my youngest, who was tall and big boned (and strong!). After visiting five clothing stores and finding nothing suitable, she asked, with tears in her eyes: “Why do these shops hate girls like me so much?”
It is very difficult to challenge current trends which emphasise specific parts of the body, and draw attention to sexual characteristics. For girls who don’t conform to idealised stereotypes of how women’s bodies should look, it is a nightmare.
The global research is clear on the harms of adultifying children and not allowing them to develop at their own pace.
As Dr Emma Rush, author of the Australia Institute report ‘Corporate Paedophilia; writes:
“It goes well beyond playing dress-ups. There is substantial evidence that sexualisation harms children: it promotes body image concerns, eating disorders, and gender stereotyping. Premature sexualisation also erases the line between who is and is not sexually mature, and as such, may increase the risk of child sexual abuse by undermining the important social norm that children are sexually unavailable”.
Children should look like children, not ‘mini adults’. We claim to condemn child abuse, however live in a culture which eroticises children. I wrote about this for the Sydney Morning Herald.
Before anything else, the most important thing you and your child have and need to maintain is a connection; a relationship with your child in which they feel understood. Connection breeds trust and communication. If and when your child feels pressured to adopt the fashion and identity of sexualised pop-culture, you are then in a position to talk about what that means, what drives their desire to conform. You can then negotiate if the child is in a difficult position where they are feeling they have no choice between resisting peer pressure and social exclusion or ‘social suicide’ as some refer to it. By negotiating with your child, you maintain the connection, understanding and communication – they know you have their best interests at heart.
My approach is to offer guidance without taking a ‘blanket ban’ approach (especially where it is not my money being spent). I prefer to expose cultural influences and help them understand the pressures to look and dress certain ways and to reject cultural dictates. I have encouraged them to seek out alternative sources for clothing (op shops, vintage, fair trade/fair fashion) and to dress in a way that is functional, encourages freedom of movement, and outdoor adventuring.
Our message to girls is to act personally and politically.
Fostering a positive body image is only one part of the solution. It is much more important to encourage girls to see themselves as more than their bodies, to understand they have more to offer than their bodies and they are not defined by their physical appearance.
I'd love to see a ‘love your mind’ campaign, encouraging girls to value their mind and their soul rather than merely accepting their body. I think it helps to appreciate function over appearance, to be grateful for what your body can do rather than how it looks. Your body allows you to run, dance, lift weights, create life, carry and birth a baby. Surely all this is more impressive than how our bodies look.
Use ads and other messaging as ‘teachable moments’. Unpack them with your young person. As mothers we can model positive attitudes to our bodies, not tolerating ‘fat talk’ or body judgement in the home, for example. Scrap ‘diets’ and throw away the scales – they tell us little about our health status and often just make us feel bad.
Encourage healthy activities that help girls develop broader interests and develop resiliency to harmful cultural messages.
Help them understand they are not seeing true images, but advertising which is heavily doctored and photo-shopped. Help them see that there are entire industries preying upon body angst. Assist them in criticallydissecting popular platforms such as Instagram and how ‘influencers’ entrench and normalise limited representations of women – usually for profit.
Girls need to see they can make a difference in the world and contribute to cultural and social change. We have many young women in Collective Shout’s ranks! They are passionate about making a difference and being all they can be, resisting limits society tries to place on them.